the Apology I Never Recieve

My sin has grown so heavy,
That I can no longer bare the burden.

The way that I have offended you shames me so much,
That I have nothing left to do but come clean.

I tried to fool you,
But you knew me better than I know myself, making lying difficult.

Justifying my trickery at this point seems almost useless,
A small part of me really didn't want to hurt you anymore than I already had.

I'd be lying again though if I didn't admit,
It was my selfishness, a fear of losing your friendship that truly silenced me.

Without a doubt the hardest realization has been,
Out of everyone I know, you were the last to deserve this.

You truly cared about me, my life, my future,
Unlike the many who seem to only exist for themselves.

If I could only see as much potential, and have as much faith in me as you did,
Then maybe I could elevate myself from this dust.

I thought perhaps if I apologized for my actions,
They might stop coming back to haunt me.

When I reflect back on them the pain is overwhelming,
Especially because I know how much more devastating the memory is on you.

You were always available when I needed someone to talk to,
And your strength was there when talking wasn't enough.

There was a certain comfort in our friendship,
Knowing your hand would always serve to protect me.

Even after getting what I wanted,
Greed pulled me further.

So I abandoned you,
And sought a more exciting life.

Only after the lights went dim did I realize,
How lucky I was to have a blindman.

Please forgive me for,

Blood Loss,
Broken Promises,
Broken Trust,
Broken Keyboard,
Time Wasted,
Tainted Memories,
Violent Re-Occuring Dreams,
Your Childhood,
Your Adolescence,
The Civic's Windshield,
The Money I Owe,
Building You Up,
Breaking You Down,
Blood Again,
Defialing Your Home,
The Selfishness,
The Jealousy,
Your Senior Banquet.
Damaging Other Friendships,
Offending Your Family,
Abandoned Dreams,
And Manipulation.

I think people have a hard time admitting thier faults.
The number one killer of relationships is pride.

This philosophy confuses me,
If I offend someone I am usually the first to make amends.

However its important to know when someone has gone too far,
It's unfortunate that I've reached this point with so many.

I'm not looking for apologies,
This blog isn't directed towards a specific person, but events have shaped its content.

So if you feel guilty in any sort of way,
Yeah right, like the people who have offended me feel anything.

I'm not looking for apologies,
I just wanted to hear what it would be like for someone to actually say "I'm sorry".