What defines me is not the person I am underneath,
But rather the actions that I make.
Comforting words from an unofficial mother.
"Just have faith, and God will take care of it."
If I've learned anything from my real mother,
Its that God doesn't give a shit.
Recently my brother asked if I could change one thing about my life,
What it would be?
At first I was unsure.
Money, women, power, these are not things I covet.
I replied foolishly at first.
I mean who dosen't want to fly?
Then familiar words entered my thoughts.
And I wished for faith.
Something that I personally can never have.
Something that seems to give those who have it such rest.
I mean how could I rely on a god,
Who created man?
I am perhaps one of your greatest servants,
Yet I am constantly tested and punished.
I don't worship other gods,
Not even you.
Everyone takes everyone's name in vain,
So get off your high horse and suck it up.
There is no such thing as a holy day in America.
Everyday is chaotic, so how am I suppose to tell the difference from one to the other?
Honor thy parents,
What if you have no parents?
Never has my hand ended a life.
Thought I think its agreed that some mother fuckers need to die anyway.
I fully agree about adultery.
Unfortunately our culture indulges it, so many selfish and disgusting creations.
You should never steal from someone you know or care about.
Sometimes its fun, and other times its neccessary.
As for coveting things,
Thats just not my style.
For what seemed to be a lifetime I was forced to worship and believe in something,
Without ever being asked how I felt about it?
Of course if it wasn't for this insanity.
I would have never met any of you.
It never occurred to me just how many people it took to raise me.
I suppose it's like family to not have to say these things,
But I wanted to write it down at least once.
I am a generation of white trash that calls thier grandmother, mom.
When I was afraid to go home,
It was the Hull's that gave me refuge.
I spent most of my adolescence eating out of your fridge, sleeping in your chair,
And calling your residence home.
Thanks for always caring for me,
Soon enough Topper will return and we'll have one more thing to be thankful for.
For along time I was very distant with my brothers and sisters.
Luckily Albert has six.
Johnson's, I have partied with you, vacationed with you, and I've worked for you.
I have more memories with your family than anyone else's.
Of course I can't forget Ben's house.
To this day I still crash at your place whenever I venture to the Yo.
Momma Ranalli always has the right thing to say,
Tara's a fine addition to the house, and Ben we're brothers for life.
This lifestyle hardens you though,
For a bastard child of multiple households, faith comes hard.
I have always found God in people.
Perhaps its because they are the ones answering my prayers.
I have paid a great price,
But have gotten something in return.
Born of hell,
I carry a darkness inside.
I allow the pain to get to me,
Some days its almost unbearable.
However we can sense our own,
And I've fought demons before.
A guardian devil with no one to protect,
I am the combination of so many different backgrounds, cultures, religions.
That I can understand anyone.
I think that a family isn't always necessarily the people you are related too.
But rather the people who you relate too.
Your life is defined by those who you share it with.
Yeah, I like that idea.
When I die the crowd may see me as the guy who went nowhere with his life.
My family will remind them that I was better known as the guy that who never gave up.
AND THE DEMON STARRED ME DOWN AND SAID,
"MAN DESTROYS MAN, THATS THE WAY OF THE WORLD".
HOWEVER MY RESPONSE QUICKLY CAST HER DOWN,
"SIMPLE DEMON, YOU FUCK THE WORLD OVER, AND IT'S SO GOD DAMN PATHETIC."